Don’t Make the Same Mistake I Did!

Posted by at 12:25AM

I normally write blog posts about topics which relate directly to Stanford: our Folding@Home project, the sit-in this week, U.S. News college rankings. But today, I have a piece of advice which pertains not only to Stanford readers, but to everyone out there.
No matter how much you liked Pirates of the Caribbean I (or even Pirates II), DO NOT– I CAUTION YOU AGAIN– DO NOT SEE the newest installment, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. It’s awful.
Clearly, lots of people were idiots like me and went to see this enormous, three-hour waste of time. (The New York Times is reporting worldwide $400 million worth of tickets were sold, in six days).
I promise you, those are three hours of your life you will never get back. Peter Travers of Rolling Stone mentions one positive: “Producer Jerry Bruckheimer does deserve a shoutout: It takes a kind of genius to sucker audiences into repeatedly buying the same party tricks.”
And there was so much wrong with this movie beyond rehashed versions of the first two movies– I don’t know where to start. The plot was weak. And confusing. Actually, I’m pretty sure that even if I could have understood it, it still would have been bad. Gene Seymour writing for Newsday says, “It won’t matter whether you’ve seen the first two Pirates movies or not. You’ll still be confused.”
I saw the movie at a 12:30am showing. We didn’t get back to campus until 4am. We all walked out of that theater exhausted, bored and confused. “Ha! Christian,” you might smirk, “That is surely why you did not enjoy the film!”
No. I spoke to a friend who say the movie at 4:30 in the afternoon and felt similarly. People who went into our showing with pirate hats and eye patches (who also gave out a hearty “yarrrrrrr!’ with the opening credits) left the theater dispirited, like someone had taken all the air of their lungs.
And sorta, Orlando Bloom and Co. did just that. Despite the stirring theme song of the movie series (you know, the one that goes dun-dun-dun-dun…dun-dun-dun-dun), the chemistry, the script, something was very off.
The end is what sucked the most. I won’t ruin it for you, in case you too are set on wasting $10, but let me say that it is one of those endings you simply don’t want to buy into. As they’re setting it up, you think to yourself, “Oh, they’ll never let this happen…” You think (you hope, perhaps) it’s one of those things where they’ll come up with some ridiculous and unbelievable way to get out of it– but at least the awful and seemingly-inevitable doesn’t happen. Except in this piece of junk, it actually does! There is even a sappy beach make-out scene with Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley which instead of being romantic or hot, is, honestly, just awkward.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t go into this film expecting theatre (-re intended). I wasn’t expecting a transcendental experience, something to sweep me away with its intricate characters or subtle artistry. I was expecting a swash-buckling pirate adventure movie. I was expecting airbrushed actors and skylines, awesome CGI battles and witty one-liners. I didn’t even get all of that.
Honestly, just save yourself some time– and unfulfilled expectation– by watching the trailer.


One Response to “Don’t Make the Same Mistake I Did!”

  1. Shashank says:

    Completly agree with you on this..i was expecting it to be a great movie but it didn’t perform as per the expectations.


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