NSO Inculcates Unwitting Freshman, Transfer Students; Parents Never to See their Children Again

Posted by at 8:40PM

Beware non-freshmen: the time has come to face the inevitable. A new crop of freshmen — fodder for the less-drunk-than-you-think-he-is SAE fratter, the annoying overachievers in Polisci 2, the ones who think they’re cool enough to go to Kairos Wine & Cheese — are about to arrive on campus.
But how do the freshmen become the way they are? I blame it all on over-programmed and highly-scripted NSO. A sampling of the events, with commentary and interpretation.
Tuesday, 1-3PM. Green Library Tours. Um, yeah. I’m guessing this is for the parents. What are they going to show them? The warm-and-fuzzy Bender Room, with every couch and chair occupied with upperclass students fleeing the chaos of move-in day?
Tuesday 7:30-9:30PM. House Meeting and Social Activity. I know cheesy icebreakers when I see them. I used to hate that game when everyone went around and said their name and some sort of sign or something, and then each person had to remember all the people before them. I was always at the end and would forget everyone’s names.
But everyone will know each other’s names through Facebook stalking anyway, so that’s not a concern.
Tuesday 12PM. Website Open for PWR. Sucks to be you, suckas! Enjoy the Rhetoric of Whatever.
Wednesday, 8:30AM. Chemistry Placement Test. Sucks to be you, suckas! But you could stop pretending to be a premed and not wake up this effin’ early.
Wednesday, 2:40-3:30PM. For Students Considering Humanities and Social Sciences: Choosing Math and Science Courses. For the wusses who won’t take fitty-one, I suggest Math 19, which seems like the easiest course at Stanford (see “Gut Courses” entry below).
Wednesday, 4:30-5:15PM First Course: Feed your Body, Mind and Spirit. I like it how at Stanford, all the various religions pretend to get along. InterVarsity reigns supreme, though.
Thursday, 9:30 and 10:30AM. Associated Students of Stanford University (student activity information panel). The froshie’s first chance to realize that the ASSU does nothing.
Thursday, 11:30AM-12:30PM. Public Service and the Arts: Stanford Students Dance in Prisons. “What are the arts, especially dance, doing to address this invisibility and what is the relationship of the arts to prisons, punishment and rehabilitation?”
I couldn’t help but think of this video, and wonder if it’s anything like this. If so, it might be kinda fun:

If it’s not, this sounds like it has the substantive level of your average PWR course.
Friday, 1-3PM. Hume Writing Center Open House. Has anyone actually ever been there? I don’t even know where it is.
Saturday, 5:30PM. Stanford football versus Oregon. If we score a touchdown, I’ll be pleased. Oregon just crushed Michigan (admittedly not much of an accomplishment these days) and might challenge Cal for number two in the Pac-10. Predicted score: Oregon 52, Stanford 7.
Monday, 9PM-11PM. O-Show. Around the fourth a capella group, it becomes insufferable. And then you have to squirm through another five or so.
Enjoy NSO!

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One Response to “NSO Inculcates Unwitting Freshman, Transfer Students; Parents Never to See their Children Again”

  1. chris bourg says:

    “Tuesday, 1-3PM. Green Library Tours. Um, yeah. I’m guessing this is for the parents. What are they going to show them? The warm-and-fuzzy Bender Room?”
    Yep–we will be showing them the Bender Room, and lots of other popular places and resources. Don’t you wish you knew all the great places to study before it was too late?

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