Motorized Bicycles

Posted by at 9:13PM

I’m pretty sure that there’s not much controversy here, but in the vain hope that the unaware motorized biker will read this, I’ll address it anyway. You may have seen (or more likely, heard) one of these demonic baby pocket rockets around campus. The other day I was walking down the thoroughfare on the Green Library side of the Quad, when I heard a buzz-roar coming ever nearer. A motorized bicycle. I was confounded and angry by the time it passed.

Here are some of the reasons I can think of why motorized bikes are inadvisable (or, more bluntly, stupid):
1. The noise. It’s not even a satisfying rumble. In fact, it approaches screeching/piercing/fingernails on chalkboard/unfortunate feedback in the middle of a concert.
2. The pollution. I assume that anything that loud is sucking gasoline, but even if it is electric, the fossil fuels poured into getting up that slight incline are monstrous, environmentally speaking, when compared with the super hippy leg power that could accomplish the same task nearly as effectively.
3. The attitude. Some mixture of innovator and better than thou. I hope that all the peons riding their outdated foot-powered bicycles aren’t getting in the way of the futuristic, important moto bikers.
4. The lack of exercise. This one is completely for the sake of the biker. Why pass up the opportunity to use quadriceps that were probably just jello-ing up in lecture for the last hour or so?
5. The danger. Surely someone on this campus has a reactionary, overblown theory about the danger moto bikers pose to hapless pedestrians.
That about sums up my views on the subject, and these factors seem to outweigh the “motors make life so much easier” argument in my mind. Hopefully you agree, and the next time you’re faced with the impulse to upgrade your bike, you politely reject the idea. And if you happen to be a moto biker, hopefully you might consider a change in your biking habits.


2 Responses to “Motorized Bicycles”

  1. clor says:


  2. Eugenio says:

    “With all due respect, I didn’t realize you’d gotten experimental surgery to get your balls removed”
    No offense, but you sir are a pussy if you don’t like motorized bikes.


Comments are moderated and will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive. Please do not be alarmed if your comment does not show up immediately. We will get it posted soon.