The Hitchhiker’s Guide . . . to Special Fees!

Posted by at 2:55AM

A public service announcement for all you student group leaders applying, considering applying, or dreading applying for Special Fees . . . run like hell!
Haha, just kidding! Special Fees may seem like a complicated, mind-numbing process, but it’s really easy and fun, if you use . . . the Hitchhiker’s Guide! Just clean off your computer screen, practice your political smile, and remember: always know where your towel is.
Some notes: Budgets are due February 19. Appropriations Committee hearings are February 13, 20, and 21 (21 is for joint Special Fees Groups only.)
There are 6875 undergrads, about 8600 graduate students, and 1450 coterms, who count as both . . . what?! WHY IS A COTERM WORTH TWO OF ME???
Petitions are due March 5 at 4 pm. There will be no extensions and no mercy. I mean, look at those guys on the Appropriations Committee— they have steel in their eyes and slaughter in their souls. That is, they have the best interests of the student body at heart, and are wonderful people, all of them . . . (I have to face them for an interview next week too.)
If you have questions, Appropriations is holding office hours this week at the UAL office on the second floor of Old Union.
Good luck! If you need me, I will be writing my budget and frantically clutching my towel.


One Response to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide . . . to Special Fees!”

  1. Quinn Slack says:

    This post is amazingly hilarious and, sadly, mostly accurate.
    You should also post the real flowchart for the process:
    And if you or your readers have questions or don’t understand anything, email us at
    This system does dole out $2 million of students’ money, so some of these checks are worthwhile. But yes, it’s too complicated and we need to do a better job of explaining it.
    Quinn Slack
    2010 ASSU Elections Commission


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