Earthquake Preparedness

Posted by at 10:37AM

I’m currently sitting next to the bike rakes between the front of Green Library and Building 240, waiting for apparently about a half hour so that we can feel very ready. Or something like that. I am admittedly not too bummed out that I can’t be in Math 53 section right now, but I have certainly been in more comfortable circumstance. So for anyone else on-campus, congrats on surviving an earthquake. Drill.

I should, however, caution you to the other possible consequences of a real earthquake that we were not explicitly informed to prepare for. My section bravely dealt with the earthquake (drill) by sitting on the floor, then walking outside. Based on the numerous sources I have on what happens in an earthquake, I feel like I should piece together some of the other potentially hazardous things that happen.

  1. A sudden shift of tectonic plates causes the earth below us to literally quake.
  2. Things start to shake, potentially causing objects to fall, which is maybe why we get under desks.
  3. Structures can collapse, trapping people inside of buildings.
  4. To avoid this, people are told to leave buildings and not stay behind.
  5. Pipes below ground can be broken, causing a variety of leaks.
  6. Power lines can also be downed at this time, causing even more chaos.
  7. Because of 3 and 4, both electrical and plumbing are considered unsafe.
  8. A variety of hazardous storage facilities are no longer safe (trash, medical, nuclear)
  9. Immense damage can be done to various archives and one-of-a-kind pieces of art.
  10. Crazy historians and art collectors are enraged by the damage done to various unique, priceless pieces.
  11. Their madness, combined with potentially putrid drinking water from bad plumbing, drives them to incite trouble in the population.
  12. Because people left buildings, notably without their stuff, our instinct is to loot. Riled by the crazy historians, these gangs begin viciously tearing through buildings.
  13. The buildings do collapse, and people are trapped in buildings.
  14. Believing the most valuable equipment to be in the medical buildings, many looters are trapped in close proximity to a variety of pathogens kept in storage.
  15. Chemicals from various studies also cause unstable mutations in these looters.
  16. Looters turn feral, losing all capacity for cognitive control and an insatiable desire for human flesh.
  17. They soon escape from the building and subsequently find more groups of people in plain view because they’re all standing outside.
  18. Some are devoured on the spot. Those who are strong enough to escape are still infected by these looters.
  19. Those infected also develop the same madness and spread across campus, infecting more and more people until everyone is either dead or infected.
  20. Ironically, the only people left safe are those who found cover indoor, particularly in hard-to-reach, defendable locations.

Don’t say you weren’t warned because the university is clearly not ready for this contingency.

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4 Responses to “Earthquake Preparedness”

  1. Josh says:

    I slept through the entire drill. Whoops!

  2. Kevin Xu says:

    LOL DAMN THOSE CRAZY HISTORIANS!

  3. Joe says:

    Sounds like Resident Evil.

  4. George says:

    I’m with Josh; I slept through the whole thing.

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