Yeah those were the days.
The days before I went to bed at 1 am and woke up at 7:30 to finish homework. The days before I spent about an hour and a half just walking around campus to all the places I went. The days before I had three midterms within a week and a half of each other and I skipped meals just to study or finish homework. The days before I gained stress-weight all the time.
I spent a lot of time today remembering those days. They were good to me. I can almost remember the way it felt to sit in one spot for so long that my butt actually hurt. The way it felt to spend more than 15 minutes a day with any of my friends.
And then, of course, I felt the drop in mood that happens when you consider how easy life used to be. Because no matter how well things are going now, it always seems that things were easier to handle if they happened a long time ago. And now always seems to suck.
And then I saw my first-ever pregnant student at Stanford. Well at least she looked pregnant, and she looked like a student (almost like spotting a unicorn here on campus). At first I was jealous of her. Because she probably has a nice husband named James or something. And probably when she gets home (at like 5, not 9) she and James eat together and ask each other about their days and tell stories about the funny things they saw walking around campus. And maybe she mostly just has reading and she gets to relax when she gets home and put her feet on a table and drink a glass of orange juice and read something for her sociology class.
But then I thought wait a minute, it would suck if I were pregnant. Like going to school where random almost-20-year-old-girls stare at me like I’m some freak and I have to walk everywhere with swollen ankles and an extra 40 pounds on my body, and it is frickin hot for February and I’m sweating everywhere and none of my clothes fit me right and I have no money, but in two months James and I have to figure out a way to pay for the two of us in school and baby.
So even though I’m busy and I’m a little bit tired of school right now, at least I’m not pregnant.
Which is why they call me an optimist.