The 4th Annual Unabridged List of Suggested Dorm Themes

Posted by at 10:56PM

As an RA this past year, I can tell you one thing: puns are hard. Coming up with a clever theme for your dorm is a lot of pressure, and can cause an unnecessary amount of stress (because heaven knows you won’t be stressed during the year). That’s where we at TUSB come in. Below, you’ll find perfectly useable themes for your dorm or house; upperclassmen, feel free to suggest them to your new house staff by emailing them nonstop and posting the themes you like on your houses’ Facebook groups. They really really like it when you do that. Trust me, I’m an RA.

This is the fourth iteration of the list (click to see the suggested themes from the first, second, and third), and the first without the guidance of the incomparable Josh Freedman, to whom I owe my career as a comedy writer (for the Robber Barons and TUSB), my ability to use WordPress, as well as my second-born child. Hope this lives up to your vision.

Special thanks to Jasmine Magbutay and the Robber Barons for your help and support; I cannot, in good conscience say that I thought up my personal favorite theme, and it makes me sad/so overwhelmingly joyful to admit that. Anyways, feel free to comment on your favorites, or suggest better themes for next year. Without further ado, here are the themes I am suggesting for the entire Stanford campus next year. RAs and house staff, let’s make this dream come true.

Arrillaga is so mainstream.

HipStern

LARKINSTAGRAM
SERRAMERICAN APPAREL
TWAINBLR
DONNIRONY
BURBAN(K) OUTFITTERS
ZAPATABLY NEVER HEARD OF IT…

Wilbur: Wilbur

SOTERO
OTERANCOS
TRANCSOTO
JUNIPERROYO
OKADARROYO
ARROYOTERO
CEDJRO
RINCOKADA

"Can you take me higher?" No, Creed. Not here.

Manz and Friends

COPACABRANNER
CROTHURGOOD MARSHALL
WHAT LIGHT, TOYONDER WINDOW BREAKS (Star-crossed sophomores, this is for you.)
KIMBALL SO HARD
DON’T CASTANO PEARLS BEFORE SWINE
HANNAH LANTANA
VLADIMIRRIELEES PUTIN
READING RAINSBOW
SUBSTANCE CREE-DORM

 

 

FloMost Downloaded

CARDENALL ME MAYBE by Carly Rae Jepsen
FAISONE DIRECTION– What Makes You Beautiful
PALOMAYPHONE by Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
THE GAVILANTED– Glad You Came
FEEL SO CLOROSE by Calvin Harris
ALONDRAKE FEAT. RIHANNA– Take Care*
SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO MIRLO by Gotye

I've been told Lana Del Rey is relevant. And, at times, orange.

West Campus and GovCo

ADELFART
PUKE-ALIPTO (these last two submitted by the TUSB resident 5-year-olds.)
GRANADA-NA, GRANADA-NA, hey hey hey, goodbye 
NARANJA DEL REY
UJRAW SOMETHING
ROBLE POBLE OBLE (It’s small and cute and holds about 300 people.)
FOUR LOSOCO (That would change their image pretty quickly.)
POTTERNITY TEST
RICK ROBINSANTORUM (Vests. Vests for everybody.)
FUCK, MURRAY, KILL
EAST INFECTION
YOLOST (Since it’s generally Tier 3, you will probably only live here once.)
#TEAM SUITE-A (He threw bread at his crush. THAT’S TRUE LOVE.)
e-READORM (I’m part of a startup that will archive all digital books on paper.)

I find your lack of meat disturbing.

A Long, Long Time aCo…-op

LUKE CHI THETA CHIWALKER
DARTH COLUMBAEDER
C-3EBFO
HAMM SOLO
CHEWBAKKAIROS
SYNERJARJAR BINKS (Meesa bodypaint now! EDITOR’S NOTE: It physically pained me to write that.)
SENATERRA PALPATINE

The Row

DEAD HAU5 MITT
CASATNISS EVERDEEN (You basically have to win the Hunger Games to get in.)
LA FREEMASON FRANCAISE
SLAVDOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP
STORHESUS MONKEY
I’M 680 AND I KNOW IT
717 AGAIN, PEACH FUZZ ON MY FACE
MIGHTY MORPHIN’ POWER DURANDGERS
BOB-GYN
GROVARIES
ROUND TO PHIVE SIG FIGS
JERRYMY LIN
MARSUPIAL
JOHN NARRNILLAGA (Narnia how it is now, but with more palm trees.)
30 ROTH  (I want to go to there.)
ARTIXANADU PIZZA
ZAP GALIFIANAKIS
MUWEKMA MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD

 

*Apologies for forgetting Alondra the first time! I am penitentialondra.

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8 Responses to “The 4th Annual Unabridged List of Suggested Dorm Themes”

  1. Dave says:

    HipStern, East Infection, and 30 Roth win.

    That is all.

  2. sarah says:

    this is my favorite. lmao at wilbur.

  3. Your Conscience says:

    You forgot Alondra.

  4. @Your Conscience says:

    Everyone forgets Alondra.

  5. Carlo says:

    To be fair, I was referencing a list of upperclass housing options from ResEd, which naturally didn’t include All-Frosh houses, such as Alondra, as choices. Sorry again! Please let me know if I’ve forgotten anyone else.

  6. Julia says:

    Is Oak Creek supposed to be “SUBSTANCE CREE-DORM”? Otherwise I think you also forgot Oak Creek…. lol.

  7. Carlo says:

    SUBSTANCE CREE-DORM refers to the new Substance-Free Dorm that is being piloted in Mirrielees. I definitely forgot Oak Creek.

  8. Ali says:

    This is brilliant.

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