The One, the Only, the 2013 Winter Course Guide

Posted by at 6:20PM

It’s that time of year again.

Let’s just say that this is NOT what Thanksgiving looks like at my house…

No, not Thanksgiving. I mean, yes – technically it is time for family drama, dried out Turkey, sleeping in a bed that hasn’t been tainted by years of college kids getting it on, and becoming unnecessarily excited that it’s now socially acceptable to eat truly stupid amounts of pumpkin pie. But that’s not what I’m talking about. Oh no. Not that. I’m talking about something far more important: the TUSB Winter Course Guide.

Yes, I know Axess opened a month ago. I’m sorry I’ve been a little late to the game. As you all know, the quarter system is effing exhausting and often prohibits us from doing those things we really want to do. However, because it’s “Break”, and because the lovely few of my saintly friends who actually follow this blog have been bugging me to get off my keister and actually write the darn thing, and because my brain is downright refusing to let me start the 25 page paper I’m supposed to write before the end of the holiday, and because it has recently been brought to my attention that I have atrocious time management skills, I’m excited to bring you the 2013 Winter  course guide.

Given that I didn’t have a spare week to sit around Starbucks and think up super-amazing themes like “the Muppets”, this time around I’m sticking with a classic: “When I Grow Up”. As always, you can rest assured that this course guide is poorly-informed, overly generalized, and rarely if ever politically correct. As always, I will accept no responsibility for any misery inflicted by taking any of these classes. So enjoy the post, enjoy the break, and – above all – enjoy the fact that we get to do this all over again after New Years. Cheers.

When I grow up I want to be…

 

the HBIC:

ARTHIST 165A: Fashion Shows: From Lady Godiva to Lady Gaga 

A Woman After My Own Heart…

I’m not going to lie. I’ve been excited about getting to pump this class since I first saw it back in August while doing research for the Autumn course guide. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t want Miranda Priestly’s job? It’s just like, having swag rained down on you all day, erry day. Not to mention that some people like, live and breathe for your attention and approval. And while I doubt that taking this class will get you locked and loaded as Anna Wintour’s successor, it might prepare you for a frumpy-intern-turned-uberstylish-assistant movie makeover type thing.

 

a Convicted Felon:

Probably a Good Career Move.

ECON 111: Money and Banking

On the plus side, there’s always money in the banana stand.

ETHICSOC 174A: Moral Limits of the Market
And here I was thinking that the only thing money couldn’t buy was happiness. Guess I’ll have to find another way to get that kidney…

 

a Crazy Inventor:

ME 14N: How Stuff Is Made
This class sounds like a verbatim, ten-week version of “How It’s Made”. *Weeps from joy*

ME 214: Good Products, Bad Products 
Design snobs.… UNITE.

HISTORY 44Q: Gendered Innovations in Science, Medicine, and Engineering
The only reason I included this class is because it satisfies three GERs: PWR 2, Humanities, and Gender. If you’re looking to kill three birds with one stone, inquire within.

 

a Virgin Queen:

Keeping it Classy.

COMPLIT 221A: Courtly Love: Deceit and Desire in the Middle Ages
Queen Elizabeth managed to keep every suitable royal batchelor on her hook for most of her adult life, while still getting some on the side. Ok sure, she was a hell of a tease, but doing so helped her conquer most of Western Europe and thus encouraged her people to fall in love with her. Frankly, it sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Hopefully this class unveils some of the wisdom of her ways.

 

Unemployed:

ENGLISH 151F: Angelheaded Hipsters: Beat Writers of San Francisco and New York
Wondering what the word “Angelheaded” means? So was I. Provided you aren’t a super hipster-know-it-all, you probably didn’t know that ‘Angelheaded’ comes from the first lines of Alan Ginsberg’s Howl. (Although, looking back, I definitely read this poem in IHUM. Oops). The context didn’t shed a whole lot of light for me, but maybe you’ll gain insights I didn’t. In any case, if you think beat poetry and using words like “Angelheaded” sounds like a groovy time, this might be the class for you.

ANTHRO 182A: Down and Out: Marginal Lives and Institutional Technologies 

“I mean—hell, I been surprised how sane you guys all are. As near as I can tell you’re not any crazier than the average asshole on the street”.

Come at me, Nurse Ratched.

 

an Olympic Has-Been:

CLASSGEN 34: Ancient Athletics
Finally, a class for the enormous crossover between mega-jocks and classics nerds.

ENGLISH 47N: Sports and Culture
“Of course Stanford doesn’t have classes geared towards athletes!! How DARE you imply such a thing?!”

 

a Curmudgeonly Physician who Plays by His Own Rules:

BIO 165: When Neurons Misfire: The Molecular Basis of Neurological Disorders
… well, it’s not Lupus. It’s never Lupus.

PSYCH 95: Introduction to Abnormal Psychology
“It was Abby Someone…

 

a Depressed Writer:

ENGLISH 158A: Literary Celebrity: Douglass, Hemingway, Plath
Note: This class is BYOB.

ENGLISH 117A: Irony: From Socrates to David Foster Wallace
Alanis Morrisette may or may not get unequivically bashed in this class for singelhandedly destroying an entire generation’s understanding of this concept.

 

a flannel-wearing lumberjack:

ENGLISH 182S: Looking North: Canadian Literature
Yes, really.

“Well… I’m alright.”

 

a Space Cowboy:

COMPLIT 160: The Literature of Dehumanization
Did I come up with this category simply to make a Firefly reference? Why yes I did. And what does that make me? A big damn hero.

 

a bona-fide gangster:

ITALIAN 155: The Mafia in Society, Film, and Fiction
Leave the gun. Take the class.

FILMSTUD 110N: Darkness in Light: The Filmic Imagination of Horror
Alright, alright. So there’s not quite the crossover between the horror and gritty crime genres that one might think. However, I believe that any time someone wakes up with a bloody horse head in their bed, it’s pretty horrific, so I’m counting it.

 

a Coked-Out Movie Star:

ARTHIST 246A: California Dreaming: West Coast Art and Visual Culture
West Coast, Best Coast. Hollyweird. Frisco. Here’s your chance to get up close and visual with the Golden State.

 

a Creepy Renaissance Fair Dude:

ENGLISH 105: The Renaissance: Art, Science, Magic and Love
… Yeah, I know this one is kind of a stretch. But this class seemed really cool and I wanted to get it in here somehow.

 

a pacifist:

HISTORY 96: Worlds of Gandhi
Something tells me that it goes a little further than, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”.

 

an Assistant Football Coach at a Public University in Pennsylvania:

HUMBIO 143: Adolescent Sexuality
For fear of losing my blogging privileges, I think I’ll leave this one as is.

 

 

a Cosmonaut:

PHYSICS 16: Cosmic Horizons
I want this class to be narrated by Morgan Freeman.

HUMBIO 183: Astrobiology and Space Exploration
Wookies and Tauntauns and Hutts, Oh My!

 

 

a Vice-Presidential Candidate:

POLISCI 2: Introduction to American National Government and Politics 
This one’s gonna be a Gamechange©.

RELIGST 5N: Religion and Politics: comparing Europe to the US
I bet this won’t get heated at all.

 

a Psychopathic Dancer:

TAPS 160: Performance and History: Rethinking the Ballerina 
No offense to whomever is teaching this class, but Black Swan already did that for me…

As it turns out, they’re not all dainty little butterflies…

Happy:

PEDS 106: Pursuit of Happiness and Health (PEDS 206)
Will Smith not included.

 

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One Response to “The One, the Only, the 2013 Winter Course Guide”

  1. Matthew says:

    English 47N is super fun! What a great recommendation!

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