(From the Facebook bulletin board thing.)

I'm not sure if this is real or not, but it's pretty good either way.

Stanford Student IKEA Shopping Spree! (palo alto) Reply to: [redacted] Date: 2007-09-18, 11:56PM PDT

Are you moving into a new dorm or house at Stanford? Is it horribly tacky and in dire need of decoration? Do you not have a truck? Then this is for you.

For a flat fee, this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, we provide:

• pickup at your dorm
• chauffered drive in a late model Jaguar to Palo Alto IKEA
• 3 hours of shopping time for you to get EVERYTHING you could want
• design advice for your living space (caveat: no promises here, we're 2 guys)
• pickup of all materials, no matter how big and unwieldy
• chauffered drive in late model Jaguar back to your dorm room
• delivery of said items TO YOUR DORM ROOM in our truck/trailer
• ACTUALLY SETTING UP ALL YOUR STUFF so you don't have to touch a screwdriver

Meaning that you don't have to think about a thing, just getting what you want, in your dorm, in one day. No gas, no hidden fees, no tax, no nothing, just peace of mind.

I am a current Stanford Junior, and my colleague is a recent Stanford alum (with a truck) looking for a little manual labor on the side when he isn't designing Facebook applications. I worked on campus this entire summer, and have LOADS of previous moving experience, both intra-California and cross country. We know the area and the people at Stanford like the back of our hands.

$150 includes absolutely everything: our time, our delivery, our setup, and you can even listen to whatever music you want on the drive to/from IKEA.

Email with questions. Come on people, I need to pay for my books too! Help a fellow student out, and save yourself from a drab room!

I wouldn't take design advice from these fellows if their "services" were free. And why exactly does one need "LOADS" of previous moving experience to set up an Ikea hemispherical chair thing? And how did he get that Jag/where can I get one?

Beware non-freshmen: the time has come to face the inevitable. A new crop of freshmen -- fodder for the less-drunk-than-you-think-he-is SAE fratter, the annoying overachievers in Polisci 2, the ones who think they're cool enough to go to Kairos Wine & Cheese -- are about to arrive on campus.

But how do the freshmen become the way they are? I blame it all on over-programmed and highly-scripted NSO. A sampling of the events, with commentary and interpretation.

Tuesday, 1-3PM. Green Library Tours. Um, yeah. I'm guessing this is for the parents. What are they going to show them? The warm-and-fuzzy Bender Room, with every couch and chair occupied with upperclass students fleeing the chaos of move-in day?

Tuesday 7:30-9:30PM. House Meeting and Social Activity. I know cheesy icebreakers when I see them. I used to hate that game when everyone went around and said their name and some sort of sign or something, and then each person had to remember all the people before them. I was always at the end and would forget everyone's names.

But everyone will know each other's names through Facebook stalking anyway, so that's not a concern.

Tuesday 12PM. Website Open for PWR. Sucks to be you, suckas! Enjoy the Rhetoric of Whatever.

Wednesday, 8:30AM. Chemistry Placement Test. Sucks to be you, suckas! But you could stop pretending to be a premed and not wake up this effin' early.

Wednesday, 2:40-3:30PM. For Students Considering Humanities and Social Sciences: Choosing Math and Science Courses. For the wusses who won't take fitty-one, I suggest Math 19, which seems like the easiest course at Stanford (see "Gut Courses" entry below).

Wednesday, 4:30-5:15PM First Course: Feed your Body, Mind and Spirit. I like it how at Stanford, all the various religions pretend to get along. InterVarsity reigns supreme, though.

Thursday, 9:30 and 10:30AM. Associated Students of Stanford University (student activity information panel). The froshie's first chance to realize that the ASSU does nothing.

Thursday, 11:30AM-12:30PM. Public Service and the Arts: Stanford Students Dance in Prisons. "What are the arts, especially dance, doing to address this invisibility and what is the relationship of the arts to prisons, punishment and rehabilitation?"

I couldn't help but think of this video, and wonder if it's anything like this. If so, it might be kinda fun:

If it's not, this sounds like it has the substantive level of your average PWR course.

Friday, 1-3PM. Hume Writing Center Open House. Has anyone actually ever been there? I don't even know where it is.

Saturday, 5:30PM. Stanford football versus Oregon. If we score a touchdown, I'll be pleased. Oregon just crushed Michigan (admittedly not much of an accomplishment these days) and might challenge Cal for number two in the Pac-10. Predicted score: Oregon 52, Stanford 7.

Monday, 9PM-11PM. O-Show. Around the fourth a capella group, it becomes insufferable. And then you have to squirm through another five or so.

Enjoy NSO!

My Rant Against the Student DIS-Advantage Card

To the Class of 2011: Listen up.
To all Classes before: Comiserate with me.

Two years ago, perhaps to the day, I received yet another pack of mail from NSO [New Student Orientation] or FDO [Freshmen Dean's Office] or some other acronym'ed place on campus. This particular one suggested I buy 2 things. One was a sweatshirt/t-shirt combo from the Stanford Store. I did so, because I wanted to have a cool Stanford hoodie and all of that. (The deal still exists, here). The second was the option to purchase a Student Advantage card. I did this, too, since I figured I would want to have access to the myriad of savings the card brought with it.

The sweatshirt I still have (and wear) but that Student Advantage card was a mistake. Here's why. I never use it. In fact, now that I think about it, I can't think of one person who does, or one reason why I should. The thing is, the card offers little-- if any-- local deals, and the most frequent thing it does is periodically spam you with its latest ripoff, er, "deal." I know, I know, it looks great-- savings from Urban Outfitters or Amtrak-- but it's actually useless.

I don't know, maybe I'm weird and I'm the only one who stupidly bought one. Or maybe everyone else bought one too and actually uses theirs. (If that is the case, please let me know in the comments section below). All I know is that the damn thing was a waste of money for me.

You've already heard all the warnings about taking Admit Weekend with a grain of salt but quite frankly, I've never heard of a single student (well, maybe this one) who took Admit Weekend for its face value. You're smart, you're here, and you already have the tools to go out and discover the "real" Stanford.

What constitutes a "real" Stanford? The classes? The incredible access to research that undergraduates have? Open-minded, accessible faculty? The funding Stanford provides? Great overseas opportunities? All of these, yes - but it's your classmates that will really help you find your anchor here.

Stanford has an amazing array of student groups. When I first came to Stanford, I found it difficult to believe that students were actually doing and running some of these groups. Groups like FACES, which organizes two professional conferences every year at Stanford and in China for student leaders. ASES, which promotes networking and mentorship for budding entrepreneurs in Asia. FACE AIDS, fighting AIDS in Africa. EPATT - East Palo Alto Tennis and Tutoring. Amazing events being put on by Stanford chapters of professional organizations, such as IEEE; BASES, connecting students with Venture Capital firms. SIG, providing Stanford students with internships in Washington, DC and beyond at key policy institutes around the world. The Stanford Dems, connecting campus to local California issues as well as coordinating student volunteers for national elections. There are several more that I'm missing right now.

As we get closer to March and high school Spring Breaks, we'll be seeing more and more prospective freshmen coming to Stanford to explore possibilities for their next four years at college and their lives beyond. As a tour guide, it is my distinct honor and pleasure to introduce them to some of the possibilities available for them to create here at Stanford.

Everyone is searching for clues as to what it is that gets one a spot in the next freshman class. Tour guides all answer that question a bit differently, and I want to provide some of my own (read: unofficial) perspective on it.

Guides will almost universally tell you about the importance of strong academic performance in high school. Most of the time, you'll also hear guides tell you some variation on: "Do what you love," "Be passionate," "Be who you are," and have something to show for it. An award. An invention. A great letter of recommendation.